.. I really do love you Mike." Look!" I said. "Is it your job? You could quit and find something else if you want. We're ok without you working. I just want you to be happy!" No, no it's not that easy. I... I guess I really do like my job. I just hate the hours. You work days and I'm working nights and therefore we never see each other. I don't know... I just feel like... I just want to spend some time figuring out where we're going with our life together."My mind was racing. I couldn't tell whether she was trying to get us closer or whether she was trying to say we were heading in opposite directions (which obviously we were) and we should split up. I really didn't know what to tell her and pondered telling her all that I knew. I didn't say anything for a minute or two."Look, you're sick and tired. This weekend there will be time to think about things!" I finally said. "Let's get some sleep O.K." I could see her nodding her head up and down against the pillow."OK!" she said. "I do. I feel cold metal againstparts of my body my mind still hasn't come to accept exist yet.I feel Julia squeeze my elbow and I reach up and grab her hand. Irealise I have been holding my breathe.After what seems like an eon Doctor Fields finally speaks to me."OK Emma, everything seems to be in order," he turns to look at Julia,"you'll be pleased to know she looks completely healthy." Good," she says in a whisper, I can see she's as freaked out by this asI am. I am sure she never expected to be holding her husband's handwhile he gets a smear test."Can I ask you, has she had her period yet?" he askes such anextraordinary thing in such a casual way."I think Mark would prefer it if you referred to him as a 'he' doctor,"Julia says looking at me, I nod my head in conformation."Oh, I am sorry Mark," Says the doctor standing up so I can see him,"it's just from the view I have..." his voice trails off, "but gettingback to my question?" Err no, I don't think so," Julia looks at me for.
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